4 Insights into Safe Trauma Healing
Have you ever asked yourself, "Why does the route to my healing have to feel so brutal?"
Many survivors of trauma find that the road to recovery can feel just as brutal as the actual traumatic event(s). Having suffered enough from the original event(s) we ask ourselves, is this healing work event worth it? Or, am I just putting myself through more pain by clinging onto a hope and a prayer that one day it will finally pay off? Why does it feel like it has to get worse before it gets better? You have suffered enough! You deserve for your healing to feel HEALING not traumatizing in and of itself.
In this article, it is my aim to help you discover insight into ways that you can safely navigate your healing journey, while reducing the amount of suffering you face along this journey. The goal of trauma healing must be to relieve suffering not intensify it.
That is not to say that healing from will or should always feel good. In recovering from any painful condition, there will be periods of difficulty and discomfort. However, the discomfort of recovering from trauma must never compromise the individual’s quality of life or ability to function normally on a day to day basis.
Insight #1: It's NOT One Size Fits All:
When it comes to healing, it is NOT one size fits all. It is never realistic to expect the healing journey to look the same from one person to the next. This includes responses to different types of healing methods and interventions. There are so many different types of healing modalities, practices, methods and therapies out there and often times those of us trying to heal from trauma come across a method that is promised and proven to work. We get so excited and think that we have FINALLY found the solution to our healing. But all too often we try out that promised and proven method to find that it has left us in one of three places: 1. It actually does work and help us and we feel like a new person! 2. It helps us but still leaves us needing and . searching for more relief or 3. It does not help at all and actually re-traumatizes us. Even worse, with options 2 and 3, this leaves us feeling like there must be something seriously wrong with us if that proven method didn't help us. So it is drastically important to realize that science has its limits. There is an exception to every rule and most importantly no matter how "proven" a therapy or method may be, healing is NOT a one size fits all. There is nothing wrong with you if one method or therapy doesn't work for you!
This leads us to our first Insight tool that will help you determine before hand if something feels right for you or not. It is a valuable tool that connects us to our intuition and is extremely helpful for healing and life in general
Insight #2 Follow Your Intuition:
Tuning in to your intuition, a.k.a. your inner compass, will assist you in taking your power back when it comes to deciding what is best for you. Of course advice from therapists, specialists and doctors is valuable information but that information should be considered along side with what you know deep down to be best for YOU.
Neuroscientist, Antonio DeMazzio developed a theory using somatic markers. He asserts that the traces left behind by the somatic markers from our past experiences helped guide us in making future decision. However, usually we are unaware of this because it is all happening in our subconscious mind. In our western society, we have lost touch with our body and our intuition.
To begin tapping into your intuition and your bodies somatic markers practice being more mindful of your bodies natural reaction to certain people, places, situations and things. Try this out with small things first as you begin to tune into the deep wisdom of your body and intuition.
Insight #3: Remembering is Not Always Helpful:
When it comes to healing from trauma many survivors are told that they MUST remember and re-expereince their traumatic past in order to heal it... but that is not always the case. This ties back in to our first insight that healing is NOT one size fits all. Some people benefit greatly from actively remembering their traumatic past while others are severely re-traumatized by doing so. Never let anyone pressure you into remembering or re-experiencing any memory that your intuition is telling your that you are not ready for. If you do decide to go into your traumatic memories because YOU have decided that it will be helpful in your healing, make sure you have a steady foundation of a support system and are already managing well in your day to day life. If you do not have a support system or struggle in your day to day life, first focus on ways to improve that foundation.
Insight #4: Go Easy on Yourself:
I know first hand what it's like to be struggling so deeply that you become desperate for relief so instead of easing yourself in to the healing process, you dive straight in to the deepest layers of your healing. It is very common to do this because healing feels like such a huge and scary task that you just want to rush to the end and rip it open to get to the wound and quickly get it fixed. Often times through, doing so can cause more suffering and re-traumatization and actually make it take longer. If you dive in too deep and cause re-traumatization it can take weeks, months or even years to get yourself back into a stable place. So although this may be frustrating to hear and while I acknowledge the extreme courage it takes to be ready and willing to face it, speaking from first hand experience, go easy into your healing work. Instead focus on building on small accomplishments. Focus on what you can do to feel just 1% better today and let those small accomplishments build and build to move you steadily along. Doing this will also help you to develop confidence and self-esteem because you see that you are in fact making progress.
